


The World Goes On

by nefarious_irusu



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depressing, Depression, Gen, Gore, Graphic Description, Heavy Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Loneliness, Mild Gore, One Shot, References to Depression, Short One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 10:51:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16303772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefarious_irusu/pseuds/nefarious_irusu
Summary: The most painful realization that Yuri ever came to was how easily the world could go on without him.





	The World Goes On

He sunk so deep inside himself that he was sure he would never be able to claw his way back out. Every let down and every false hope brought him deeper, into a little latibule he built inside himself. The ribs around his heart grew back thicker each time they were beaten down, and the walls he built got higher.

The most painful realization that Yuri ever came to was how easily the world could go on without him. He had stayed home for a week, once. He had been too depressed to get out of bed, much less get himself to practice. For that week, no one stopped by to check on him. No one sent him a single call or a text.

He was small, insignificant. Not just in the world, but in the eyes of those he thought were friends. He spent too many nights awake and alone, wishing he had a friend to text, someone to save him from himself. He spent too many nights fighting with himself, torn between whether or not to end it all.

Some nights, burying his fingers in Potya's soft fur was enough to ground him. Other nights, the touch felt numb as Yuri was swallowed by the ache in his chest. Head bumps and sandpaper kisses couldn't always keep Yuri in the right state of mind.

His mind was a labyrinth, and he so easily got lost inside. When he was six feet deep in his thoughts, there was no going back. The thoughts he would usually suppress took full control, and it was the hardest feat just to stay alive.

But he did. He had managed to stay alive up until now. As he stared at a cracked ceiling and ran his fingers through Potya's fur, he tried to remember that. He tried to remind himself of how strong he had been.

But then the truth would sneak back into his thoughts: no one cared if he were dead or alive. As he stared at his unanswered texts and blank message screens, Yuri was sure of that. 

He had read an article once, about a woman who had many cats. She died in her home and wasn't found for a week. When she finally was found, the cats had begun to eat her, chunks of her body missing and strewn across the home's floors.

“You wouldn't eat me, would you, Potya?”

Potya purred in response, and Yuri's heart began to race. Who would take care of her if he were gone? What if he was never found, and Potya starved to death after his body was all gone? Yuri felt sick to his stomach.

It was hard to stay, but even harder to think of leaving. Perpetually torn between the two, Yuri found himself drowning in uncertainty. No one cared about you, he figured, until you were dead. Then suddenly, everyone wondered what they could have done.

Potya lept from Yuri's chest, leaving him cold and aching even worse than before. Tears leaked from Yuri's eyes as his chest collapsed under the weight of loneliness. He gasped as he tried to regulate his breaths, his depression turning to panic in the blink of an eye.

Eventually, he had calmed down. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling more hot tears trail down his cheeks. No, he wouldn't have the courage to leave this world tonight. But he knew that the world would go on if he did.


End file.
